.my whole life on your lips. (kissmytearsaway) wrote,
.my whole life on your lips.

So I've been wondering. Is all the stress that I've been under worth it?

I mean for my father. I don't know what's the first or last step to take to try to have him love me again.
I miss him like the trees miss the warmth up here.
Honestly. I wish, just wish that things could be normal.
And they would come up here this weekend for parents weekend.
And I could see the kids.
i could see Edison. I wish I could take him to the park again. Take him to mc donald's and watch his face light up when he gets a happy meal. I wish I could watch him play hockey. I wish I could see him with all the hockey equipment I bought him on.

God i miss him. More then anything. He's the second thing that pops in my head in the morning after I wake up. First andrew, then him. Then my father and the girls. Then barb.

Barb. My mom. the only person that has ever BEEN a mom to me besides my grandma.
What have I done. Honestly. I'm so confused. I wish I could go like two years and work things out with them. I want ot see the girls grow up still. And I think I'm almost too late. They are getting so big. natalie actually has hair now. And I love it. It's soo pretty. She's a little blondie. Complete girly girl. Never met a youngster like her. Melanie, she's a toughy.

Sigh. that's all I got. Is a sigh. I've tryed to call and I've tryed to make ammends. I've tryed to tell them I'm sorry about things. I've went there the whole summer.

But now I'm int college agian. And i don't really have the money to call or hop in my car and leave.
I'm poooorrrr.

I dunno. Not sure what to do. But I'm gonna hit the galley.
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