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Ummmmmm.... [20 Feb 2012|08:14am]
Holy crap!
I was fucking nuts!


Who did I think I was?
If I would've known me back in college I think I would've bitch slapped myself.



I had to comment on how absolutely retarded I was.
Other than that...

My life is the best!

That's all.

Comments: share your thoughts.

[17 Feb 2010|10:29am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

am i who i'm supposed to be?
i love my life.
without a doubt.

how come i feel like i should be more?
i feel i should be apperciated more i guess for taking care of our child everyday
but maybe i shouldn't be
maybe i'm wrong
i mean, what do single mothers do?
but i never get a break

never

a.ll work and no play makes jesi a very dull girl al.l work and no play makes jesi a very dull girl all. work and no play makes jesi a very dull girl all .work and no play makes jesi a very dull girl all w.ork and no play makes jesi a very dull girl all wo.rk and no play makes jesi a very dull girl all wor.k and no play makes jesi a very dull girl all work. and no play makes jesi a very dull girl all work .and no play makes jesi a very dull girl all work a.nd no play makes jesi a very dull girl all work an.d no play makes jesi a very dull girl all work and. no play makes jesi a very dull girl all work and .no play makes jesi a very dull girl all work and n.o play makes jesi a very dull girl all work and no. play makes jesi a very dull girl all work and no .play makes jesi a very dull girl all work and no p.lay makes jesi a very dull girl all work and no pl.ay makes jesi a very dull girl all work and no pla.y makes jesi a very dull girl all work and no play. makes jesi a very dull girl all work and no play .makes jesi a very dull girl all work and no play m.akes jesi a very dull girl all work and no play ma.kes jesi a very dull girl all work and no play mak.es jesi a very dull girl all work and no play make.s jesi a very dull girl all work and no play makes. jesi a very dull girl all work and no play makes .jesi a very dull girl all work and no play makes j.esi a very dull girl all work and no play makes je.si a very dull girl all work and no play makes jes.i a very dull girl all work and no play makes jesi. a very dull girl all work and no play makes jesi .a very dull girl all work and no play makes jesi a. very dull girl all work and no play makes jesi a .very dull girl all work and no play makes jesi a v.ery dull girl all work and no play makes jesi a ve.ry dull girl all work and no play makes jesi a ver.y dull girl all work and no play makes jesi a very. dull girl all work and no play makes jesi a very .dull girl all work and no play makes jesi a very d.ull girl all work and no play makes jesi a very du.ll girl all work and no play makes jesi a very dul.l girl all work and no play makes jesi a very dull. girl all work and no play makes jesi a very dull .girl all work and no play makes jesi a very dull g.irl all work and no play makes jesi a very dull gi.rl all work and no play makes jesi a very dull gir.l

i don't know what to say
or to do
i guess i'll keep on doing what i do everyday
getting the butt end of time
and of everything
someday


someday


i'll get my own time
i'll have my own money to spend
maybe
Comments: share your thoughts.

I didn't think I'd ever use this again after the last post [16 Feb 2010|07:53pm]
honestly, he doesn't understand me sometimes
i don't even understand me




why can't he at least try with the aspects that i believe strongly in
he says he believes in the opposite strongly, but he hasn't even done anything



ugh.
annoyed
Comments: share your thoughts.

Another round [06 Apr 2006|04:15pm]
My mom makes me want to kill myself.
And i miss my BF like crazy.

*sigh*.
Someone.
Please.
Come.Save.Me
Comments: 5 thoughts share your thoughts.

React. [30 Nov 2005|02:28pm]
things have been.
things.

familly life seemed like it was getting better over break.
But really. They got all messed up again.
On the upside, my father seems to care.


I've been sick, for like ever.
And I've been going threw the female process for at least 42 days now.
I think I should be dead.
When someone bleeds for 7 days, then they should be dieing at least.
I should be deader then a door knob.

I've been kinda Unloyal to my friends.
And they know who they are.
I'm sorry.
That's all I can do or say from here.

Definatly not returning to lake state next semester.
Kinda wish I was.
But I plan on going in the Army.


Gonna be all that I can be. In the Army.</cener>
Comments: share your thoughts.

[20 Oct 2005|07:48pm]
Cheers to my girls.
To my tripod.
I love them.
With everything.
I would be lost without those girls.

Cheers to my Boyfriend.
For putting up with me right now.
i love him soo much.
I seriously dont know where I would be without him.
I'm scared about the army thing.
I'm scared about him not comign back.
Ever. But I will still be here for him.
Or in germany..depends where I am in the Army.

Cheers to Katie.
You are awesome.
Like More then awesome.
She helps me alot up here.
It's good to have someone like katie, who I have too mcuh in common with. But it's awesome.

Cheers to the D3 girls.
Yeah you guys.
You ask why?
Cuase i miss you girls and i know I can come up there and stuff.
But it seems like it would be akward.
I dunno.
But I love yas.
Amy-Imiss talking with ya and hanging out.
Michelle-thanks for still being a friend though some of this past shit.
Mal-You're a sweeite.


I've been in a crappy mood lately.
And I'm not too sure why.
I'm thinking about going to the doctor again.
and see what I should do about things.
At least talk to them.
We'll seee.









Well ladies and gents. The day is young.
and I'm bound to get drunk-y skunk-y.
Comments: 5 thoughts share your thoughts.

[17 Oct 2005|08:47pm]
So I've been wondering. Is all the stress that I've been under worth it?

I mean for my father. I don't know what's the first or last step to take to try to have him love me again.
I miss him like the trees miss the warmth up here.
Honestly. I wish, just wish that things could be normal.
And they would come up here this weekend for parents weekend.
And I could see the kids.
i could see Edison. I wish I could take him to the park again. Take him to mc donald's and watch his face light up when he gets a happy meal. I wish I could watch him play hockey. I wish I could see him with all the hockey equipment I bought him on.

God i miss him. More then anything. He's the second thing that pops in my head in the morning after I wake up. First andrew, then him. Then my father and the girls. Then barb.

Barb. My mom. the only person that has ever BEEN a mom to me besides my grandma.
What have I done. Honestly. I'm so confused. I wish I could go like two years and work things out with them. I want ot see the girls grow up still. And I think I'm almost too late. They are getting so big. natalie actually has hair now. And I love it. It's soo pretty. She's a little blondie. Complete girly girl. Never met a youngster like her. Melanie, she's a toughy.

Sigh. that's all I got. Is a sigh. I've tryed to call and I've tryed to make ammends. I've tryed to tell them I'm sorry about things. I've went there the whole summer.

But now I'm int college agian. And i don't really have the money to call or hop in my car and leave.
I'm poooorrrr.



I dunno. Not sure what to do. But I'm gonna hit the galley.
♥Jesi*
Comments: share your thoughts.

[17 Oct 2005|07:11am]
[ mood | Chipper ]

50 Things You May Have Not Known About Me

1. Whats ur middle name? Marie.

2. What color underwear are you wearing now? Bright pink and dark blue thong from Victoria's Secret.

3. What are you listening to right now? Andrew. :). And Friday the thirteenth.

4. What are the last 2 digits in your phone number? 11,96,90,81. (yeah I know there's a lot. But I live in six differnt places almost)

5. What was the last thing you ate? Spagettios, I think. But swallowed Chew.

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? White. Wouldn't be used very much. And I like whiteys.

7. How is the weather right now? Yeah ...Blow me you people from the south. (to answer your question, I live right next to fucking canada)

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom and My Kitty, (my baby boy, who jsut go this nuts choped [or should i say NUT?])

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? It's a tie, Eyes and sense of humor.

10. Favorite type of Food? MEXICAN, But no, I DO NOT like mexicans. I lived in texas for a few years, Enough for me.

11. Do you drink? LOTS. I drink water, pop, gaterade, coffee...OH that drink...Most defiantly not (I'm lieing)

12. Do you smoke? DID. No longer a gross drity habit of jessica, So if you ever 'drink' with me, and you see me do that disgusting habit...Grab it and flush or stomp it.

13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember what you did? Yeah, but I learned from my mistakes. And I like to watch out for people, So I can't be TOO drunk.

14. Hair color? Fuck, Well IT SHOULD BE a light browne with natural highlights. But I'm a retard and dye it like 4 times a month. (not good)

15. Eye color? Hm. This I never knew. They change, With my mood the weather. Anything.

16. Do you wear contacts? I can barely touch my eye, So would have a tiny piece of glass in my eye?

17. Favorite Holiday? Halloween. I get to act (when I'm home) in the hunted house. Closest thing to my Dream I could ever get.

18. Favorite Month? I HATE/LOATH the begining of OCTOBER. But I love september cause I love fall. The crisp air, the new school year. LOVE IT.

19. Have you ever cried for no reason? I'm a girl. Final answer.

20. What was the last movie you watched? Watching Friday the thirteenth, the 8th one. Not really paying attention. SICK OF IT, I guess.

21. Favorite Day of the Year? A day where I wake Up to a person I love, and It's beautiful outside.

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? I don't think so. Never tryed (so I must be)

23.If you can say something to someone right now what would it be? Screw off dad. Mom, quit the drugs. Andrew I love you with everything. Sorry girls in D3. I LOVE THE TRIPOD! Edison, I love you and I would die for you. Natalie and Melanie, I'm sorry girls and I'm sorry.

24. Hugs or Kisses? Both. Hugs for closness, and kisses for tenderness.

25. Chocolate or Vanilla? FUCKING Chocolate. Again, I'm a girl. Final answer.

26. Do you want your friends to respond? I don't really understand this question. Do I want them to respond to my sexy hair? I mean what?

27. Who is most likely to respond? Billy. Billy will respond. Cause billy is a hillbillie. From Marion Springs.

28. Who is least likely to respond? Joe. Yup. Joe is from the east side in sagnasty. What what? Representin.

29. Which books are you reading right now? Chemistry and it's matter. American governemt at it's finest. Lullaby. And 101 ways to kil your teacher. (just kidding on the last one)

30. Piercing? Toungue, 3 in the ears. *My toes. My forhead.* haha neverrrr.

31. Favorite Movie? Mother of god. Do not ask me that question.

32. Favorite baseball Team? Fuck baseball. GO Stars!

33.What were you doing before this? Um, sitting. Um, Spitting. Um, Thinking. I dunno. sitting being lazzzzyyyy.

34. Any pets? SOCKS (the cat with one ball) and Molly, My big bear.

35. aim? aim? sure. yeah. I think. ..billiejean873.. Is that it? *confused*

36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Alergic. Definatly Puke popcorn.

37. Dogs or cats? Depends...If it's my cat, or andrew's. Equal. But other then that. Big dogs all the way. HATE LITTLE ONES.

38. Favorite Flower? Gonna have to say it was Gerber daisies. But roses are definatly running in for the win.

39. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? *looking away* NOOOOOOO.....never.

40. Are you taken or single? TAKEN. And proud of it. And loving every second.

41. Have you ever loved someone? Everymorning I wake up, I either praise the face next ot mine or jump out of bed and run to him. yes, I LOVE him.

42. Who would you like to see right now? EDISON, I miss that kid soo much. I'm gonna cry.

43. Are you still friends with your ex's? Well, I try. Really. But things get akward.

44. Have you ever fired a gun? hahhaha. Yesss. My dad is a Major in the military. I own 3 guns myself.

45. Do you like to travel by plane? LOVE IT. it's a fast way to leave your problems behind for a few days.

46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right when writing. Both with sports.

47. If you could be with someone right now, who would it be? My little brother and andrew together watching them play hockey. :) *sigh* I love it.

48. How many pillows do you sleep with? Andrew or six.

49. Are you missing someone? Sad but true, My father. BROTHER (edison)Natalie and melanie (sisters). Marae and Kelly already. Sully Bear. SOCK-Y boy. Mollyyyy.

50. Do you have a Tattoo? Duh. Definatly do. They're addicting!

Comments: 2 thoughts share your thoughts.

[11 Oct 2005|03:59am]
[ mood | sarcastic ]

I guess it seems that I'm hated by my friend cause I've felt something.
And I've noticed things.

I just thought we needed to talk.
Maybe striaghten things out.



Shoot me in the head now.



Yesss.

Comments: share your thoughts.

[06 Oct 2005|08:03am]
There are times where I'm fine...
There are times where I'm not...

Things are slowly working out, for right or wrong.
For better or for worse.

I'm concerned about things, But I think i gave up. I'm just ganna fly by the seat of my pants. And worry about school. I want friends. But I'm not going to push things. I'm not going to get into any drama. It just causes me to bitch and break out into an ugly pimple monster.

I love him. No matter what.
And know this isn't the end.
Even if they seem worse. In the end, it'll work out.
To have him as a best friend or as my significant other.
But it's gonna work out.

I know things are looking up for the best though.
I've been distant. Not enough. But working on it.
I'm going to Central with him now. And might be staying.
And It's a test I think. To see if I'm clingy around others. I'd do it.
So, I've decided I'm going ot be myself. And we'll see how things go from there.
Not clingy though. I can live wihtout it. To me, actually, it's a sign of self concouisness.
Like I'm afriad. But what exactly do I have to be afraid of. I know him.
I know he woudn't do anything to hurt me. And he would cump me before things went to far.

There are people out there with worse problems. Like we had and aren't trying to fix them cause they're afriad.
I don't blame them for being afriad. But, in the long run...It's so worth it.
And it feels good to just be here, and do my own things.
And have him come. Cause he wants to be here, with me.
It's nice to not have to move in and kiss him, and he kisses me.

I've quit smoking. Like forever. I told someone that they can kill me thier selves if they see it happening.
But I do chew. Still.


I'm thinking about the military still. If it's right. I'm not sure.
Is it right for who I am. And Am i strong enough?

And I'm sorry to those who have missed out on him, and me.
Especially my friends at home. I have no clue where I would be without them.
Marae, more.
Kelly.
Jenni.
The table. That's what we are. When one leg breaks. We're their to hold up the other.

I wish I would learn to speak my ideas though. If I would've.
Then this wouldn't be happening. And if it was still, it would have been easier the first few days.



Oh well, You live and you learn if you learn to not regret, and I don't regret anything I've done. Cause they shaped me to who I am. And who i will be.





'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button girl, So cradle your head in you hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe
Comments: 2 thoughts share your thoughts.

[24 Sep 2005|08:06pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

There was a place that I would go to get my head back on striaght...
but it's gone, completely gone, It's BEEN gone...

All I've done since last spring was push the people away that I love and need the most. I've felt that I've needed to. I felt that it would make life so much easier.

I was so wrong. I'm competely lost with out them. My father, brother, sisters, step-mother ( who was more of a mother ot me then anyone else in my life), My step mother's who family ( who would send me packages out of the blue casue they loved me. I've push friends away.

I pushed Everyone away. Little do i know I continue to push people away. I'm slowly making myself a desolate person. I odn't even let my feelings out anymore. I have no one to really turn to. I have my boyfriend.... But I think he's sick of listening ot me. I had so much. SO MANY. Now they really don't care about me. Cause they think they that I wont be there for them. And I don't blame them.

I haven't been that great of a person at all. i buy things to make up for lost time to make up for lost time with the person that I lvoe the most and looks up to me like I'm a goddess, My broter. I'm missing the best days of my little sisters lives. I pushed my best friends away. MY BEST FRIENDS. Who used to know who i am and what was wrong with me the time soemthing happened. And right now. As I'm being counciled by my Boyfriend, My soulmate, I'm pushing him away.

Why wont I let someone just help me. Why can't I jsut accpet things and try to fix them. Everytime I would try this past few months everything just falls apart. I tryed to talk to my friends but I feel like there's nothing to make up for lost time. I try to make things up with my father, but as it gets along he just continues makeing me feel like shit cause I missed so much in my siblings lives.

I seriously have no clue on what to do, where to go, who to talk to...
Sometimes i wish I could fall off the side of the planet. Who would notice? I wouldn't expect anyone to. Some might even rejoice in it.


All I wanted to do tongiht was get fucking hammered. And try not to pay attention to shitty details. Well fuck it. It's way too late. I need some kind of maricle to pull trough this stuff.





God grant me the power....

Comments: 5 thoughts share your thoughts.

[13 Aug 2005|08:09pm]
I'm so not dead...


....seems to be

and feels like it...

BUT I'M NOT!


Love yas
Comments: 2 thoughts share your thoughts.

[23 Jul 2005|03:07pm]
there's a wish.
There's a dream.
there's a place to go when I need you.

I love you.
Baby, I love you.
love. you.





So not doing anything lately besides running and working at good old Victoria's Secret and American Eagle.
I've also trying to study for the ASVAB so i can actually do what I want to do in the Army and not be stuck as a cook or something.

Andrew and I update:
We're great. Never been better. we're excited to get the hell out of saginaw though.



I'm going back to Lake state no matter what. I must go back. It's like an itch.
I miss the cool breeze. The little campus. The nice people.
Miss it.


Well I gotta eat something.


♥Jesi
Comments: 2 thoughts share your thoughts.

[21 Jul 2005|11:33pm]
So the past few days have been a blast besides the four hour boring talk from the Marines.
SO I've majorly decided...it's inevitable now. but when is the only factor.

I will go into the military and I will be gone, out of michigan for a long time.
But that's basically all I have to say about that besides on Tues, Weds, Fri, Sat I wake up at 6 in the morning and go to the gym with Sargent Wilson....yuck. And on Thursday nights from 5-7 I got pre-basic trianing...
*sigh*

So I'm praying to go back up to lake state for 3 reasons:

1.)I know it may seem cligy but I want to be close to Andrew, I'll miss him wayyyy too much.
2.)I miss it. Really miss it.
3.) My mother makes me want to KILL myself, or her.

My mother is such a dumb fat fucking disgusting bitch. At times.
Other times, She's awesome...

But the only times she's awesome is when she thinks she's getting something out of me and I'm not living with her. So according to her...I ruined her fucking life.



Enoguh of that. I'm gonna head out. I'm making this entry a very hatefull disgusting foul mouthed letter...


Love y'all. ♥Jesi*
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[18 Jul 2005|08:26pm]
Going up north for a night..
:)


So I called delta today and they were being gay as aids about me getting into classes....Like I have to take a 2 hour test although I have credits that tranfered there in the areas that they wanted me to take tests in. High classes too.

Idiots...

But then they told me to call LSSU and get a transcript sent to them...so i called them and as it was ringing I thought....hmmm, I wonder if it's too late to appeal the dismisal. I want to go back up soooo bad. So i asked... and....

I have an Appeal date set for the 25th of august. And the lady that I spoke with told me that since it's my second chance that I would be trying for, they would most likely give it to me cause they believe in second chances. And considering that it's most causes of Family problems.

So I'll most likely be back at Staterrrrs...:)



Well It's time for me to go up to the cabin, I just thought I'd updated on everything just to let ya'all know where I am and what's going on.


Becca: Dude....I'm going back cause my mom is going to make me kill myself. I found out she's a bi-polar bitchhhh....And, there's no where else for Jessica's right now. Cause I'm just going to college just to get up to 30 credits so I can get paid 3,000 more dollars for having it when I sing up in the ArmY. :0) and just think, you'll miss it and you can come stay with me!


♥Jesi*
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[16 Jul 2005|05:01am]
[ mood | tired ]

2 things:

*....I'm totally getting sick of my mother and i'm thinking of moving out of th is house. I swear I can never stay in one house with one of my parents for too long.

*....I'm so in love with Andrew. Every day I spend wiht him gets more and more amazing. And well, i see him every day. haha. I can't imagine what I'm gonna do when he goes up to college and I'm stuck at Delta, cause I'm fucking retarded. Maybe I'll call LSSU on monday and beg to get back in. Doubt it would happen.



So life has been great. well besides the mother bit. But I've been thinking a lot.
I think I might join the army.
Not too sure yet. But leaning more towards I will.

I have two jobs....not too much, just perfect.
but both are at the mall, AE and Victoria's Secert.
Yes, I work at the Pantie store....HORRAYYYYy for discounts....
So needless to say....I have a shit ton of new undies.
And I wear lingirie out...it's so fun.


I went camping recently with Andrew, Princess, Light & his girlfriend and dave. Marae came up at night and kelly came up once. But it was greatttttt fun.
I can't wait for the girls camping trip.

but I have soo much to up date about it's not even funny. so I'm gonna leave it as it is I just htought I'd let you all know I'm alive.


Andrew is all curled up in bed waiting for me to come and cuddle.

Night*
XoxO...Jesi

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[25 Apr 2005|08:51pm]
Looking so forward to the summer I wish it were morning.
I guess andrew and I are waiting till tomorrow to go home.

I miss my kitty...
I'm afraid that when I get home he'll love my mom more... haha. I'm such a dork.

So things keep getting worse between me and pop. i wonder if it's becasue I refuse to listen to him scream at me about all this shit.

Comments: 2 thoughts share your thoughts.

[23 Apr 2005|05:56am]
Jesi Would be a very happy girl with this....
or even this.....well I want this one the mostest...:)


<b>Someone tlak to andrew.....hahahah....kidding</b>
Comments: 4 thoughts share your thoughts.

[23 Apr 2005|05:24am]
You're so lucky your good at sex...!



Cause if you were good at thinking you would leave right now...



Yep. Compliments of my boyfriend, then his room mate.
Thanks....asses


Now he's trying to kiss up to me.....Hmmmm....





Kidding, He's great. And his room mate.....wellll.........he's a great guy and is on the market and very disease free.....Applications in here please.



But just thought I'd let you know I'm alive and well....
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[15 Apr 2005|04:36pm]
Happy birthday K-Frenchieee!!!!!
Comments: 2 thoughts share your thoughts.

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